"Sweet Nothings, 2024," an image from Jaleel Campbell's ArtRage exhibition "In Secrecy" Credit: Courtesy of Jaleel Campbell

A few years ago, Jaleel Campbell’s mother played home videos of the artist as a child. 

One of the videos showed Campbell as a 2-year-old opening Christmas presents with his siblings. He was gifted a toy grill, but he gravitated toward a Cabbage Patch doll box. 

The video reminded Campbell of what it was like to live as the most unapologetic version of himself. He remembered that he loved playing with dolls, watching Project Runway and making clothes, unfazed by what other people thought. 

It was in these moments that Campbell had an epiphany. The videos helped lead him on a quest to accept his own queer identity as a Black man and understand the experiences of other gay Black men who have been forced to live in secrecy because of familial or societal standards.  

That exploration led him to “In Secrecy,” his own ArtRage exhibition that serves as a recognition of other queer Black men who are marginalized or forgotten. 

“At this moment in my life, I’m getting back to young Jaleel and allowing him to do all the things that he ever wanted to,” Campbell said.

The exhibition has 14 digital art installations. Each image showcases portraits of people from Campbell’s life, representations of his community and various stages in his evolution as a person. It’s an exploration of the nuances and complexities of queer Black male experiences and is meant to prompt conversations on sexuality. The exhibition was sponsored by Project OutLoud and is dedicated to honoring the life of Campell’s late cousin Terry Robinson. It debuts this Saturday at 6 p.m. and will run through Jan. 18 at ArtRage Gallery.

“This was a very personal project for me, I definitely feel vulnerable. Which is something that I don’t allow myself to do often.” Campbell said. “I’m very protective. I built up a really big shell over the years. But allowing myself to be vulnerable and to tell these stories, is a new exercise for me. This is going to help me be more forthcoming so that I don’t continue that same pattern.”

Campbell’s own story mirrors Robinson’s. 

Robinson, who was gay, moved away from Syracuse in the 1970s to attend Howard University in Washington, D.C. Although Robinson didn’t complete his studies, he developed an affinity and appreciation for the city and stayed there long-term, Campbell said. 

He struggled to openly discuss his sexuality. It was kept secret by family members and wasn’t openly discussed. 

While living in D.C., Robinson was known for his role as an Ebony Fashion Fair model and for having an “amazing model walk,” his assertiveness, and his extreme creativity, Campbell said.

Through interviews done in preparation for the exhibition, Campbell delved deeper into Robinson’s experience and learned how his death, caused by an illness, was not publicly acknowledged. Much like his life, Robinson’s death was concealed. 

As he spoke of his cousin, Campbell’s voice cracked. Each person Campbell interviewed about Robinson allowed Campbell to learn more about who his cousin was.

“I am able to do my thing because of the sacrifices of somebody like Terry and countless others from that generation who didn’t get the same type of fair chance,“ Campbell said. 

Campbell conducted interviews for two years with multiple gay Black men from dating websites, relatives, and friends. He also spoke to Robinson’s former partners and friends. Some of whom weren’t aware of his death in 2017.

Through the varying narratives told by his interviewees, Campbell gained insight into the ways queer men choose to identify: out, down-low, or discreet.

Campbell lived several years choosing to keep his sexuality private and refrained from sharing his experiences to protect himself. He’s come to realize the importance of spotlighting people who struggle with society’s acceptance and normalization of them. 

During his barbershop visits as a child Campbell suppressed himself, he said.

“When you are so used to operating in secrecy, it really takes over your natural instinct, So that is something that I’m still trying to unlearn,” Campbell said. “In these last six years or so, I’ve become better at it, but it’s definitely a process.”

In those instances, he remembered choosing silence for fear he would be judged by those around him. Even then, Campbell found safety and security in art. 

Having to choose between and -– at times —  separate his identities as a gay or Black man, is something Campbell no longer wishes to do. His art grants him the space to express those multifaceted and intersecting versions of himself. 

Campbell believes self-acceptance begins with familial and communal support, something he wished was cultivated for him long before he decided to come out to his family about his sexuality. He wishes his cousin could’ve had a chance to live openly within his own family and community. 

“I wish that we gave those who may be gay or under the LGBTQ umbrella more space to simply be,” Campbell said. “I’ve seen so many different instances of alcoholism, drug abuse, things that had they been given the necessary tools to thrive as people and supported from family their outcomes may not have been as detrimental as they were. I’m hoping that more people think about it once they come and see the work.”

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Yolanda Stewart was raised in the Bronx, New York City. Before choosing a career path in journalism she found a voice in writing plays, short stories, and a myriad of other creative outlets. She is a 2022...